i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
