Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
