If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
