alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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