I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
