somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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