a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
