And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
