So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
