we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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