now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
