dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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