she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
