Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
