I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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