Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
