She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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