My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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