Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
