My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
