u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
