Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
