READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
is that a dick in a sweater?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
