im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
