pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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