I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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