to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish you could order shots online.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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