He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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