Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
