Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
