I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
