Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
its liver damage thursday
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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