He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
