I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
