the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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