Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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