just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
