He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
