Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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