I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
