and my herpes radar will keep us safe
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
