she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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