I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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