Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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