And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
