I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
