Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
