I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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