I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
