My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
