I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
