My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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